


Wedding Favors

by Paian



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: 100-1000 Words, Dialogue-Only, Established Relationship, Humor, M/M, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-05-17
Updated: 2007-05-17
Packaged: 2017-10-03 16:14:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paian/pseuds/Paian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack and Daniel's decidedly un-shmoopy perspective on their own wedding, which is about to start.</p><p>Dialogue-only except for a couple of stage directions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wedding Favors

"God, Jack, do we _have_ to do this?"

"Yes, Daniel, we have to do this."

"This is crazy. I'm going to die of heat prostration. You hate it when I die, right? And nobody back there wants to be here. Let's just call it done and open the bar."

"You're dying in that tux because you're hot as hell in it. Of course this is crazy, but it's _for_ those people back there. C'mon, Doctor Anthropology -- you know how important ritual is to a community."

"Ritual my ass. I'm starting to think this was a gag and we fell for it."

"They need to see this, Daniel. We excluded them for too many years, keeping this a secret."

"So this is public penance? Great. It feels like penance. Whoever made these shoes should be shot."

"You know exactly what I mean. Half of them need to get all one-big-family teary about the vows, and the other half are here for the kiss. They cannot _imagine_ me planting one on you smack on the lips."

"Guess we should make it a pretty good kiss then, huh."

"Oh yeah. Scorcher."

"Start out soft, tender ... "

"Brush of closed mouths. Tease 'em a little -- maybe we'll do it and maybe we won't."

"Then the eyes slide shut ... "

"The lips part ... "

"But no tongue right away. Just open mouths, breath."

"At least twenty seconds, 'til we've really got 'em. Then tongue."

"Visible tongue."

"A lot of tongue."

"Then we get serious."

"Tonsil-sucking serious."

"Eat-each-other-alive serious."

"Nobody-else-in-the-room-but-us serious."

"New-meaning-to-the-term-'oral sex' serious."

"Deep, hungry oral sex."

"Starving-for-this-for-years hungry."

"Ravenous."

"Devouring."

"Insatiable."

"If I get come stains on these pants from inside, will it show?"

"No ass-grabbing. No crotch-rubbing. It's all gotta be in the kiss."

"I mean right now."

"You wore the faster-than-light briefs, right?"

"Fruit of the Loom, yes, Jack. You were there when I put them on."

"Those are pretty thick. I think you're good."

"OK. There's one more thing, though."

"I'm sorry the chevrons on the gate cake are backwards. The photographer said she'll flip the negatives."

"It's not that. I think I'm allergic to this boutonniere."

"Flowers comin' out of our ears and you didn't take your antihistamines?"

"The new kind makes me really sleepy. For like a week."

[Jack pulls one of the old kind from his pocket and hands it over.] "You _so_ owe me."

[Daniel cranes to peer down into the pocket.] "You have any collar expanders? Dr. Scholl's?"

"Don't push your luck." [A beat.] "The lube's in the other pocket."

"Good man."

[Thor beams in. In low voices, as they straighten and stand closer:]

"So. Scorcher, right?"

"We'll have 'em comin' in their pants. Skirts. Whatever."

"Now I won't have to feel bad that we didn't buy wedding favors."


End file.
